Avoidance

May 16

2 min read

So I’m back in an art streak and that can only mean that my head is trying to avoid life,

Why may you ask would my brain want to avoid life …. I think I know but not sure …

So genetics have took some dna and running tests to see if my heart works great it’s been a few weeks of worry and still atleast two more to go if not more for the results… Que the stress and anxiety…..

Then I’m trying to make something of my life that’s more then just being a mum or having adhd but that’s the things…. I’m not good at anything I’m OK at a lot of things but I’ve never found what I am great at an being a mum it means I don’t get a lot of time nor places to find out what makes me great at something ….

Dark brain thoughts ahead …. I did used to think I was good at sex like that always had my back in confidence but even now I think it’s meh I’ve done so much better before but I just don’t have the drive or want to prove myself on it so it feels like I lost that little thing that was mine and I was good at .

Being a mum isn’t something people should be good at it’s something people should just be cuz everyone’s view will never align but that dosnt make you bad that makes you YOU…

So yes I’m not over thinking (probs am lol) but I’m lost in the void of 37 and bar my 5 kids that I would move heaven and hell for once they ask ,.. I can’t say my life or myself has given much bk to anything ….

Oh god told ya losing track …

My art streak where I shut myself off hide in my tower and start to make things I think would make others proud and then sit about in grim and collect dust and wish I did more to achieve in life.

I feel to much I’m far to soft to say shit and I can’t cope with life and all this push and pull …

My art dosnt expect anything of me and I can torture myself on how it’s not good enough and brake myself a part and no one knows any the wiser so for anyone that read this and got this far I’m so fucking proud of you for being amazing and sticking to ur guns and being a fantastic human being <3